Emotional First Aid Kit
As I type this I’m tentatively peeking my head out from the battened-down hatches of the most intense time of my life. We just moved after scrambling to find a place in the post-fire Los Angeles market, after weeks of being under threat of evacuation, dangerous air quality, and watching my hometown burn, taking most of my family’s historical artifacts with it. My grandmother (who was my most stable parental figure) passed a few weeks before the fires, and our beloved dog passed two days after we moved. Did I mention I’m in my third trimester, and caring for a toddler through this?
It’s been an unmitigated shitshow. And I’m not sharing all this just to balls-out face my fear of trauma-dumping on the internet (and in my first post?! 😎), but because this time has shown me how critical my emotional first aid kit is, especially when I can’t rely on a pharmaceutical, glass of wine, or even most herbs to help calm my nervous system.
Emotional First Aid Basics
An emotional first aid kit helps us address psychological pain effectively by calming our autonomic nervous system so that our sympathetic nervous system (fight, flight, freeze, and fawn modes) can stand down, and reactivating our parasympathetic nervous system (rest and digest mode).
Studies have shown that even two minutes of distraction following distressing events can significantly reduce negative thought patterns that, and simple tools can make a meaningful difference in our emotional recovery . Research also shows that emotional injuries, when left untreated, can manifest as physical symptoms like headaches and unexplained body aches.
GETTING STARTED
Emotional first aid involves becoming aware of and identifying our feelings, then responding to emotional pain with the same urgency we give to physical injuries. This approach doesn't pathologize people under stress but instead assumes they're competent individuals who can determine their own need for assistance.
Why you need an emotional first aid kit
Two incredibly sexy words: psychological resilience. Those who practice emotional self-care on a regular basis demonstrate better ability to handle life's challenges, improved mental health, and maintain healthier relationships. Research indicates that individuals who address their emotional well-being show improved coping skills and experience longer lifespans. Hot.
the kit
Quick calming techniques
BREATHE: The 4-7-8 breathing technique stands out as a powerful tool for immediate stress relief. To practice this method, inhale for 4 seconds, hold your breath for 7 seconds, and exhale for 8 seconds.
GROUND: Additionally, the 5-4-3-2-1 grounding exercise helps break the cycle of anxious thoughts by engaging all your senses:
Notice 5 things you can see
Feel 4 things you can touch
Listen for 3 things you can hear
Identify 2 things you can smell
Focus on 1 thing you can taste
TOUCH GRASS: Another way to ground is to literally go touch the ground. Ideally outside, barefoot, in grass. Imagine the stress flowing out into the ground, being replaced by fresh, steady, earth energy. Studies show that the negative ions your body gets from being barefoot on the earth reduces inflammation and boosts your immune system, and may enhance your mood.
PLAY: Interestingly, research indicates that playing a visually demanding game like Tetris or Candy Crush shortly after experiencing a traumatic event may help reduce the formation of intrusive memories and flashbacks associated with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). These games occupy the brain's visual processing centers, potentially interfering with the consolidation of traumatic visual memories. TIP: Turn on haptics to feel the vibrations from the game to help ground your body while you play.
MOVE IT THROUGH: This is a favorite, especially for a physical trauma or close call. Once you are in a safe place (I’ve even pulled over on a quiet street to do this following a near-miss car accident), stand up and shake like a dog, moving every part of your body you can until you feel a little “floppy” (not a technical term - yet). This helps to move the excess energy and stress hormones through your body, restoring balance to your nervous system.
This is based on the somatic work of Peter Levine, the creator of somatic experiencing, who noticed that animals in the wild don’t get PTSD, despite being hunted by other animals and having what we would consider traumatic experiences regularly. They shake it off and go back to munching their grass or whatever other important business they were doing before the event.
Dance and exercise can also help move the stress through your body, and I also like to occasionally do a wall sit until I start to shake (this is especially helpful to release older traumas, which we can store in our hips).
SOUR CANDY: When our sympathetic nervous system is activated (such as when we are fighting, flying, freezing, or fawning), our digestion slows waaaaay down, along with other physical processes our bodies deem not immediately essential to escaping the threat.
Eating a sour candy or piece of gum gets our saliva going, which is the first step to digestion, which helps activate our parasympathetic nervous system, which can signal to our body that it is no longer under threat and it’s safe now. These are a great chewy option, and these are individually wrapped so you can keep a few in your bag or pocket.
EFT TAPPING: I looooooove using EFT tapping for many applications, and it’s proven to reduce PTSD symptoms, decrease stress and anxiety, and enhance emotional regulation. I love the Tapping Solution app, and there are plenty of YouTube videos that will teach you the process. It’s quick, effective, and you can do it pretty much anywhere.
COLD WATER: Studies show that cold water exposure, primarily splashing your face or taking a cold shower, triggers the mammalian dive reflex, which naturally calms your nervous system.
CRY IT OUT: I love a good cry. Often during times of stress I will shut down and soldier through, not realizing that the pressure is building inside me and trying to ignore the urge to cry. The catch is that crying actually helps to flush cortisol and other stress hormones from our bodies, and can also stimulate the release of endorphins and oxytocin, which can help to relieve both physical and emotional pain.
BUTTERFLY TAPS: Butterfly Taps (also called the Butterfly Hug) is a gentle, self-administered bilateral stimulation (BLS) technique used to calm the nervous system. Bilateral stimulation engages both hemispheres of the brain in a rhythmic, alternating manner, and is commonly used in Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) therapy and trauma-informed practices to help regulate emotions, reduce anxiety, and support trauma processing.
To perform, cross your arms in front of your chest with each hand on the opposite shoulder or upper arm (like how a vampire would sleep). Rhythmically alternate tapping each hand while taking deep breaths.
You can also self-administer BLS by placing your hands on your lap and alternately tapping each thigh. This is quite discrete and can even be done at a desk or table in a meeting without anyone noticing.
Using Your Kit Effectively
Mastering the use of your emotional first aid kit requires understanding both timing and application. The effectiveness of your kit depends on recognizing early warning signs and selecting appropriate tools for specific situations.
But really, the most important part is actually using the tools. If you try something and don’t enjoy it, give yourself permission to not use it. It’s better to have one tool that you enjoy enough to use regularly than dozens that you don’t actually use.
Conclusion
Your emotional first aid kit is a powerful step toward better mental health. Research clearly shows that addressing psychological wounds promptly prevents them from developing into deeper issues.
View emotional first aid is a vital form of regular self-care rather than a last resort. While these tools help manage daily stressors, they work best as part of a comprehensive approach to mental well-being. Some days might require just a quick grounding exercise, while others call for deeper engagement with your favorite processes.
Don’t get stuck on perfecting your response to every emotion, but rather in building awareness and taking action when needed. Start small, perhaps with simple breathing techniques or stepping outside instead of reacting impulsively, then gradually expand your toolkit as you discover what works best for you.
The world is crazy right now, and it feels like time is just speeding up. Though emotional wounds might feel overwhelming at times, you now have a few practical tools to help you ride the waves of life, and from that comes tremendous opportunity for growth. Your emotional first aid kit serves as a reliable companion, ready to support you through whatever life serves up.